We have this ongoing argument with my husband where he says something like “What got you here won’t get you there” — not meaning me in particular, but rather generally speaking — or “We need to go that extra mile” and I reply with something like “But I am tired?” Ok, maybe not those exact words, but that’s the gist of it. 

He’d say, “This is our time! We need to make the best of it!” And I’d say, “I would very much like to, but when? When exactly? After I have been taking care of the kids and the house for 14 hours straight with not even five minutes to sit down?” 

“Imagine”, I say, “that you come to office at 9 in the morning and you have the craziest day: one hundred and fourteen tasks to accomplish and the boss is yelling at you while you are doing exactly what he has just asked you to do and the client is not satisfied with any of your ideas and the colleagues are constantly distracting you, but you keep going with not as much as a lunch break until you realize it’s 11 in the evening and you’ve been working for 14 hours. So then you go home and instead of taking a shower and falling straight into bed you think: now is the time to work towards my goals! Would you really actually expect anyone to do that? I don’t think so! But you expect it from us after a full day of taking care of the kids?” 

And he’d reply, “I am not saying you have to work till 3 am in the morning, but if you can dedicate an hour, heck, even half an hour to work on your goals, imagine how far you’d be in a year? In five years? I want to go to sleep each night knowing that I have given it my all, that I am moving forward, if slowly. Don’t you think it’s a good feeling, to know you have done 110%?”

“But maybe I can’t do 110% right now? Maybe it’s too big an ask!” I retaliate.

“Maybe you have done your 110% during the day, while looking after the kids?” he suggests.

“Maybe I did? It definitely feels that way.”

“All I am saying”, he’d say, “is that if we don’t work towards our goals now, when then? We are not getting younger. Now is the time to build our future. The hard work we had done before has gotten us to where we are today. It’s a comfortable place, sure, but in order for us and our kids to have an even better life we have to do something now. Don’t you think?”

“Now, now, now… but what if now is actually not the best time? We have two little children. It won’t be like this forever. In another year or two they will start kindergarten and we’ll be a little more at ease. What we are in right now is one of the hardest seasons of a human’s life. Hard enough as it is, without trying to cram more tasks and goals into it. Why can’t we — for just this brief moment in time, because in the grand scheme of things a few years in our lives is a brief moment — be gentle and caring to ourselves and stop running. It’s only temporary.” 

“Time will never be right”, he’d reply. “We will never feel not tired. Neither when the kids go to kindergarten, nor when they start school. Just talk to parents of older children — everyone’s struggling. There won’t be any more diaper changes or nap schedules, but we’ll face other problems. We will always be reluctant to pursue our goals, we will forever feel like delaying them, because that’s human nature.” 

“It is human nature, you are right. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. It’s all about priorities. Right now our kids and our family are the focus. In a few years it may change: we’ll be chasing career opportunities and money again. There’s a season for everything. You can’t do it all. Something’s gotta give! You want to build a business? You will probably end up spending way less quality time with your kids. And if you are not willing to give that up, then be ready to sacrifice your health. Something has got to give!”

“But look at our parents!” he’d try a different angle. “My father had worked hard his whole life so I had a head start in life. He worked two jobs, morning to evening, with no days off and look where he is now, look where I am thanks to him.”

“My father is exactly the same”, I’d retort. “And you know his biggest regret now that he’s retired? That he didn’t take enough vacation days.”

“But they had no choice!”

“But we do.”

At some point there’s nothing more to say. We start going round and round, recycling the same arguments. To no avail. He sticks to his guns. I stand my ground. And then he goes on a three-hour bike ride instead of working on his digital course. And I go to a cafe with my laptop and write a new blog post instead of scrolling through Instagram.